After lots of research and hard work to help myself to Heal and recover from past abuse, trauma, and grief from a great loss, I thought I would share with you what helped me to be able to be happy, have dreams and goals again.
Are you Ready!
If you know there a somethings in your life that no longer benefit you or what once made you so happy now makes you so sad,
Why don’t we just change it?
It’s not that easy, Fear off…
Coming out the Comfort Zone,
or regret, Getting it wrong,
The list goes on and on.
Where do you start?
Excepting that you are not happy, areas of your life need to change or that a relationship or friendship is not working anymore is your starting point, sounds simple doesn’t it,
Apart from your fears, once you accept and acknowledge, you take away the option of hiding or pretending It Is not happening,
So making the first step is hard but very brave.
Being honest with yourself, accepting any responsibility for choices and decisions you may have made that contributed to your problem/issues you have today.
If you are suffering because of past Trauma or Abuse there is only one way to move forward,
There is nothing you can do to change the past,
no amount of If only, why’s, Guilt or blaming will make it better. except it, learn from it, and say out loud,
“I am no longer a Victim I am a Survivor”
Respecting yourself, Trusting, your feelings and thoughts.
What and who is real?
The lack of confidence, self-love meant I was open wide for people to disrespect and take advantage of my vulnerability for a very long time I believed that if you treat people well and respectful this is how I would be treated in return,
I got that wrong.
A real friend, someone who truly has your best interest at heart will support you, encourage you and be proud of you when you start to make positive changes, the only reason someone who suppose to love you, appreciate you would not show this support is because they do not want you to better or Improve yourself because they will no longer gain from your misfortune, misplaced loyalty Now we say out Loud,
“This is the road I am traveling down to better and improve myself and my Life you’re welcome to join me, if not all the best Goodbye”
Until you can trust what your feeling and thoughts are saying again,
watch people’s body Language I relied on this for a very long time and even tho I trust my instinct completely,
I still watch what people are really saying from what their body is saying, Nothing goes past me :),
So many really underestimated me and felt like a Hero believing that I was fooled and unaware of their Underhand tactics because I never responded the reason for that is they are not relevant to my life and it’s more about their shitty self’s then me.
Crossed arms and legs signal resistance to your idea,
Real smiles crinkle your eyes,
A clenched jaw signals stress,
Lying.. Dry mouth, breathing pattern changes, go over the top to try to convince you,
Twiddling with a ring or their hair,
You may think you are not connected to your gut feelings but if something doesn’t feel right then go with that feeling because more often than not you will be right,
Over the years I learnt the hard way seeing and understanding people on a few occasions I have been very hurt, Until I know different I see all people the same they have the ability to treat me badly, people I thought would never hurt me broke my heart, also I felt very angry and Embarrassed that I was mugged off and they must have been laughing at me, That a friendship I trusted respected and loved for Many many years was fake wasn’t real, I have no hate or bad feeling Lesson learned move On
There are no shortcuts,
This is your journey, your dreams so there is no advice or opinion from anyone Friends, colleagues ETC you will need. (I don’t mean medical advice)
Self Love, self-respect and self-worth is what you are aiming for It looks easy when you see it written down.
This is a long journey one that can be emotional, frustrating and very sad,
To look at aspects of your life or experiences that you have buried for many years can make you want to give up and run back to your comfort zone as fast as you can,
“where is the f**king blindfold, the Brandy, and the sandpit to bury my head in“.
This can be a lonely time,
when I say you do not need others advice or opinions, please get the support, love, and Praise from trusted Family and friends,
You are making all the choices and decisions, you will get it wrong that makes you human, Now we say out Loud
“I Love and Respect myself That I do not seek or beg anyone’s Love, attention or friendship, Only positive and genuine people I want in my life, No second chances No exceptions”.
Get a diary or journal
Page 1… write down what you want to change, why and what has prevented you from making these changes, Fear off…..
Page 2. Small achievable goals to start, How are you going to achieve this goal? and what end result would you like.
Some of my past abuse for many years I buried and in a way convincing myself it had happened to someone else, If you are feeling like this, what I did was I wrote it down the first time it was still like I was writing about someone else’s life,
read it reread it until you feel able to write it knowing it is your experiences.
To be able to be at peace with yourself to enjoy your own company, to enjoy and want friendships but not have to rely on them you don’t have a Need for them so you can keep your standards high you don’t have to tolerate any form of disrespect Now you can say out loud
I am a strong Independent person, The Bitch returns.
Written by K.L.Smith, I have no medical experience what I have written is from my own personal experiences and research. I hope it can help people to believe in themselves, I am still healing and recovering I have so many things I still want to do We can achieve our Goals as long as we put the hard work in.
Everyone’s past, problems/issues are Different all as important, I believe you can help yourself in your recovery but please seek medical advice if you need to.