My last born..

Well I made it, My last born has just celebrated her 18th Birthday Being a mum never ends but I now have four adult children I have been a mother for 28 years and I have much amazing fun, proud and happy memories of the children growing up but I would be lying to say it has been easy and without troubles even heartbreak, I am sharing this for all the parents who may be in the toilet crying or pulling out there last hair Stay strong, Keep trying Believe me its worth it in the end


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When will I learn that not everyone is like me or have the same intentions?

Why can’t they see what I can?

I am very loyal when is it misplaced? 

When is it ok to say I’ve done all I can?

A Blessingccccc

The most Beautiful butterfly came in the house I said to my son

“That is a blessing, sign or Message” 

He replied “I’ll help it out the window to go on its way”

“Leave it for a bit the window is open” wanting it to stay as long as possible.

“It came for a reason his job is done, It’s not your’s Mum feel blessed it came and then let it go,

That’s the Answerindia-quiz-prelims-with-answers-4-6381

I try my hardest to help and protect others like the butterfly

But they’re not mine I must have more faith in them

Let them go knowing I did all I could with Love Guidance and Compassion  


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I have not written names as  I would not wish to upset or disrespect the families and friends of these Angels that have been taken to soon, without their permission, but I want to continue support and  awareness to the growing violence on our street and to send a message to the Government and the Mayor of London.

your priority should be with finding ways to prevent the Murders that are being committed nearly every single day, and if you cant do this for the respect of your Crumbling Country, Do this out of respect for every single Angel below and their families for their Devastating Loss.

 murders  the Met Police investigating?

  • , stabbed: Lambeth
  • , 20, stabbed: Islington
  •  44, stabbed: Redbridge
  •  49, head injury: Barnet
  • , 34, stabbed: Hackney
  • , 18, post-mortem awaits: Bromley
  • , 25, stabbed: Hammersmith & Fulham
  •  head injury: Redbridge
  • , 26, stabbed: Hackney
  •  39, stabbed: Southwark
  • , 11-weeks-old, post-mortem awaits: Haringey
  • , 25, stabbed: Hammersmith & Fulham
  • 19, stabbed: Barking & Dagenham
  • , 22, stabbed: Haringey
  •  55, stabbed: Camden
  •  19, stabbed: Lambeth
  • , 41, shot: Barnet
  •  54, stabbed: Redbridge
  • , 17, stabbed: Newham
  •  48, multiple injuries: Waltham Forest
  • 19, stabbed: Kensington & Chelsea
  • , 33, blunt force trauma injury to the head and face: Greenwich
  •  26, stabbed: Ealing
  •  20, stabbed: Camden
  • , 17, stabbed: Camden
  •  24, shot: Westminster
  • , 44, stabbed: Southwark
  • , 42, stabbed: Hammersmith & Fulham
  •  47, stabbed: Richmond
  • Two bodies found in Sussex
  •  20, stabbed: Croydon
  • , 19, shot: Haringey
  • , 36, head injury: Lewisham
  •  68, compression of neck: Kingston
  • , 20, shot: Waltham Forest
  • , 18, stabbed: Havering
  •  36, stabbed: Hounslow
  • , 23, stabbed: Enfield
  • , 41, stabbed: Hackney
  •  48, stabbed: Ealing
  •  41, stabbed: Waltham Forest
  •  21, stabbed: Newham
  • 26, shot: Hackney
  • Awaiting formal ID, 59, skull fracture: Barking & Dagenham
  • , 50, stabbed: Wandsworth
  • , 23, stabbed: Greenwich
  •  36, stabbed: Haringey
  • 20, stabbed: Wandsworth
  • , 17, shot: Haringey
  • , 16, shot: Waltham Forest
  • Awaiting formal ID, female, 80, post-mortem awaits: Camden
  • , 37, stabbed: Lewisham
  • 53, post-mortem awaits: Hackney
  • , 18, stabbed: Hackney
  • , 26, stabbed: Colindale
  •  38, stabbed: Brixton
  • 18, stabbed: Forest Gate
  • 32, blunt force trauma to the chest: Morden
  • Awaiting formal ID, 20, stabbed: Finsbury Park
  • Awaiting formal ID, 30s, shot, Queensbury Tube station
  •  17, shot, Kennington


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Don’t make your life harder,

Except your child is growing up and life as you know, is over for at least a few years, you may have had an easy time with your other child/ children, To be honest, three of my children’s teen years wasn’t too painful, this is where I went wrong, I did this three times the  last child it will be a breeze, so I was comfortable, feeling confident I took my eye off the ball, Wow that ball smacked me right back in the face before I knew my whole household was in mayhem .

Advice that I was given,  Make sure she knows you love her and you will continue to support her obviously I never stopped loving her but there were times I didn’t like her she got me so mad, frustrated and stressed. 

Please familiarize yourself with these words Ungrateful, Selfish and F**king Rude.

Try not to take things to personal you may not get a whole sentence from them for weeks can only be Thankful for small mercy’s  

I still tried to give my daughter advice not that she needed it because she knows everything, be very Honest straightforward Do, not sugar coat the real Risks and Dangers  that is happening on the street  so they can at least try to protect themselves (“I wish I listened to you mum” she says now ) 

The most painful heart-wrenching thing to do Is watch your child walk in the direction that you know is the wrong way, Regardless of what you say or how you try to protect them, Darling, they will continue this route, This is when I had to say If you can not hear then you must Feel  I will always be here for you there is nothing you can’t tell me that we cant figure out together some kids just have to learn the hard way .

I write this in Honour of My amazing special Sons and Daughter who had to live with me at that  Emotional time, I wouldn’t have got through it  without you I am So proud of you all and Love you so very much,images

Also my beautiful nearly adult Daughter we experienced much drama pain and Confusion but we made it out alive lol You taught me a lot about myself on this Journey Baby, I wish you all the love and Happiness in the world Mummy will always be here 



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Seeking others approval or worrying what others thought of me was a big issue for me and it put so much stress and pressure on me, fear of being wrong being careful what I said trying to be as perfect like everyone else, 

So when I started to work on my Healing and recovery it removed the shit out my eye and I started to see people for what they really were, Oh my I got it so wrong these people who I was so concerned about judging me,

Why’s that????

I would never want to be like them, A real friend would have helped, Guided me through my insecurities instead of disrespecting me and my Family. Realising and removing the burden and expectations it was only then I really started to be able to really Heal from Past Abuse and Trauma. 

“What you see is what you get, your free to leave at any time”

At one point I lost all Faith in people In human Kind, But I knew I had to get that back, Caring and kindness for others is a very important part of my life and means a lot to me I will never feel ashamed of this 



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I have had a bit of a shitty week with my Diabetic, My sugar has been playing up and Its made my Mood really quite low, and just a little self-pitying, That’s a lie, I felt very sorry for myself and I really have to accept my Children are not a mind reader,so when I am there with the negative thoughts that nobody cares maybe because they didn’t know. They really are the most loving and caring children and Life could be a lot worse So I will give Thanks for all of my blessings, Love and support 



Part 1 Kids parties when you have 10- 15 kids that need feeding  myself I had to do this Four times a year it can work out very expensive Belief me doing these little things yourself you will save so much and no difference in taste if not better,

Checked the Prices from a known supermarket I Can get 6 Cheese pizza’s for £8 That is not the cheapest ones and even if I have to buy the sausage and cheese £12  saved at Least £ 6-7

2 slices each child and extra for the Cook lol x

8 french sticks £2 Garlic, butter and herbs £3.   2-3 slices each  Saving at least £3-4

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Ok so the people that will be blamed today for out of control youth, knife crime is the missing Father role models, Really,

well this isn’t a new thing and some of the mothers are not much better, some Men have many children from many different women, this isn’t a problem as long as he is Superman and can share his time care and guidance with them all but that is rare so 6-8 children are fatherless,and Then you have women who have 6 -8 kids with different fathers again not a problem if some of them didn’t cut the fathers off from their children everytime a new boyfriend/father came along, To finish some fathers are not worthy of the title Father. There are many single parents, Mums and Dads doing a very good job bringing up their children and are very positive role models,

I think a parent should be allowed to raise their children how they see fit and parents understand parenthood does not have an age limit and you have to take the rough with the smooth. I think we are past Blaming we need to start finding ways to help children and their families,

As for young people, some self-respect, Covers up your shit and stop producing Children that you are not mature enough to care for and dump at the first opportunity.

I have brought up four children, alone fucked up quite a few times but I never stopped trying and I have and still do support and guide them to the best of my ability, as for there father all I will say is when I was young my choices were poor  K.L.Smith.